What is a Death Doula?

How can they help you and your family when a loved one has been given a terminal diagnosis?

The role of a Death Doula (aka End-of-Life Doula) is varied and depends on the needs of the client. It can range from helping with tasks for end of life planning and care, to taking care of the dog walking for someone who is no longer able to do this themselves. End-of-life care is changing, and more conversations are being had about “dying well” – which is something we would never have discussed in the past.

I recently did an interview with Canadian end-of-life Doula Patti Mejia, where we discussed the beautiful work she does. Here’s a snapshot of our discussion:

It’s not just about funeral planning

“When a a death Doula is or an end of life Doula is hired, they work directly with the person who has been diagnosed. They get to know their story and get to know their family too. The conversations around the end of your life are really hard – you know you want to fight cancer, you want to beat it, you want to treat it. And then there comes a subtle point where the treatment isn’t working for some people. You’ve been through the ringer, you know your cancer has spread and then you think about what you want for the rest of your life.

It’s really hard for a person who is just diagnosed to think about dying a or for people to talk about the fact that they may die. It’s seen as defeating the purpose of all the treatment and of course you have hope and of course you’re hoping that the treatments work – so opening up the conversation a little earlier helps everyone involved have more support. It’s then not a rush at the end to find out what someone wanted when they can barely speak to voice what they want in their last few weeks or months.

Practical, spiritual and emotional support

A Doula may also get people visiting who haven’t been to see their client for a while. It’s really helpful to be organized around that and can even include having who’s going to come and help, who’s going to cook meals, who’s going to drive to appointments, who lives close by, who’s far away, when someone has holidays can they come and help, and so on. Basically an end of life Doula helps with all of the little moving pieces and bits and can help organize and be the consistent support for any caregivers that are present. They support emotionally, spiritually and practically. We do the Legacy projects, we do end of life mapping, we do family meetings – we do various different things for different families.

Not everybody has the same needs. One lady who was passing was most concerned about her dog not going for a walk, so as an end of life Doula it was one of my roles to exercise her dog and take him out and she knew she didn’t have to worry about her dog. At that point that was the most important relationship that she had, so it was important to her. There are so many loose ends and so much of the richness of celebrating a person’s life before they’re at the end can happen with the facilitation of a Doula.”

View the full interview with Patti Mejia

For the full interview, go to this link on my YouTube channel: https://youtu.be/jnrXViE7DPk

Go with Grace website

This website has a wealth of resources with topics from planning and legal matters to farewell options and finding support here in NZ.

> Go with Grace website for help and resources

NZ Directory of Doulas

If you know someone who has been recently diagnosed with a terminal illness, you may want to share the link below to a list of Death Doulas in New Zealand. There are also international directories available if you go to Google you’ll find them in most countries.

> NZ Directory of Death Doulas

Book a call with Nicola

If you need help with getting started with recording your family stories and memories, I offer a free 30 minute call to help you identify key areas of your life to focus on, and tips to help get your life story underway. Here’s a link to book a time:

https://bookwithnicola.as.me